I don't think I'm inside my own mind today...
Lots of random thoughts so let's try to keep this cohesive, start out on a somber note.
Comic Book Artist Michael Turner passed away this past week from his battle with the bone-based cancer chondrosarcoma. He wasn't my favorite artist but his mark was obvious on the comic industry. He drew a six issue story-arc of Superman/Batman, "Supergirl from Krypton" which was easily my favorite arc of the book. He drew a slew of covers for both DC and Marvel before his passing. He was also announced to pencil the upcoming "Ultimate Wolverine" comic which would've been an off the chart hit, easily. Rest in peace Michael.
There's a lot of push on the Anti-Smoking. Alberta's passing a law that will make it illegal to have large cigarette displays, they will need to be removed or covered up. I'm not exactly sure if this is the same as B.C. where all of it has to be covered up but its still a push in the direction that anyone who's smokin' while they got 'em will be out of luck soon. I heard a rumor they're thinking about making single cigarillo's illegal because they don't have anti-smoking propaganda on them. That's alright with me, I'll just end up finally quitting if that happens and thats what they want right?
I don't understand lottery players. They spend so much money on the hope that they'll win the big one and then they're so down on their luck because the odds aren't on their side. I'm sorry this is a bigger rant for a more focused day but shut the fuck up. Maybe spend your money on something more self-fufilling than an effortless search for wealth.
My friend was recently in a traffic accident. Turning off of the main highway a motorcyclist travelling well over the speed limit struck him. Weaving in and out of traffic in his persuit for stardom (maybe he had a hot date, something clearly he was in a rush for that is very insignificant now) struck his truck and was carried away from the scene in an ambulance. His truck will need repair which is a harsh afteraffect of an accident of carelessness. I hope that the situation resolves itself, you will definately hear from me if it doesn't.
I dont see how the priorities of this nation can be so out of the loop, I read a very interesting article in the Edmonton Sun about the status of water consumption in our country. We pay the least ammount of money for water out of all the established nations of the world. And we are only second to the United States in water consumption. I know I'm not a world changer but I do think we should be more mindful of our water consumption. Over half of our water consumption goes to laundry and watering the lawns with '5-minute showers' placing third, (So what about everyone who takes showers that are longer than five minutes. Of which I know I'm certainly guilty)
The hooplah of Bill C-51 hit my doorstep and paranoia crept up my spine like a dirty relative and I'm kind of surprised that something like this has completely missed the media. If it's really such a big deal how come people aren't writing letters to newspapers? I haven't seen anything but I don't read every paper either, I'm only as much of an all-seeing eye as I feel like and I'm pretty damn lazy at times. The website that was provided to me is set up in such a way that it draws you toward the conclusion of absolute terror when that isn't the case at all. Taking the time to read the bill is always the best course of action and something I did not initially do. It's long, it's legal, it's boring. Anyone who took Law class in high school can empathise with this boredom but its not as big a shit storm as you'd think. The bill is aimed at punishing corporations who break the laws, why else would such hefty fines of around five million dollars be levvied out.
I just want to post this blurb they've posted on the website
Bill C-51 is not about Canadian Safety
Bill C-51 is about Big Pharma
Pharma-what? Big Pharmaceutical company's? My point about the website is that it's designed to propagate fear of the bill from the get-go. You are bombared by 'facts' so that anyone who just causally reads the website without taking the time to read the bill would just simply assume that they themselves are havign the latex glove of the man thrust into their anus once again. I'm just kind of unsure what to think of the whole thing but if this bill was as bad as they would like us to think than I think more than a good chunk of tens of thousands people would be worried about it... maybe more in the millions? We all know I'm not the biggest fan of Health Canada at the moment but they wouldn't be smashing their boner through shit like this would they?
Maybe they would... Anyway, Here's Bill C-51. Have a read for yourself and come to your own conclusion.
Let's end this on a bit of a giddy note. I read on Newsarama.com today that there will be a Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2. Given the scope of the game as early rumor dictates that it will be focused around Marvel's recent "Civil War" storyline. Offering gamers a chance to pick a side and play it out. Civil War was the highest selling marvel comic in quite some time and the idea to base a game around it is a very good one. I hope they take the time to do it right. Marvel: Ultimate Alliance didn't really have too much re-play value, but they are incredibly fun games. Another thought, maybe a name change. Marvel: Civil War? Would that not suffice for a video game?
WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON?
MARVE: CIVIL WAR
Xbox360/PS3/Wii 2010(or later)
Take a couple years to make the game and make it right! Ultimate Alliance was a step down from X-Men Legends 2 and thats not how it should be. It should have a huge roster of playable heroes. At least 15 a side I'd say to give the game solid replay value because playing the war on the side of pro-registration or anti-registration one time, then the reverse is obviously worth two plays through the game as it should be completely different experiences.
Who knows how it will work out but I've got high hopes. Also revealed was that in the upcoming Spider-Man: Web of Shadows game that you could help save the city or take it over depending on if you're using the classic Spidey Red/Blues or the Black simbyote costume. They also revealed that Wolverine would be a character you'll have the opportunity to team up with (they announced earlier that Luke Cage would be) the cover of the game can be viewed here. Spider-Man: Web of Shadows is due out this fall.
Until next time, Keep on truckin!
PEACE!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Who's this guitar hero?
I don't think I'm inside my own mind today...
There's something that I don't get: People who don't get video games like Guitar Hero or Rock Band.
I can understand easily enough. I myself used to come to a lack of understanding as to why games like Dance Dance Revolution have legions of players. It was a simplistic game that I couldn't grasp for the life of me. You listened to the song and arrows would come down the screen. All you had to do was step on the pad corresponding with the arrow on the screen at the right time and bam, all of a sudden you're dancing?
I've seen dancing. Good, and bad, and DDR doesn't even come close. To each their own I suppose. I also never quite saw the luster in first-person shooter's either.
If you've by some chance been living under a rock for the past five years, a game came onto the scene for the PlayStation 2 in 2005 that would change the foray of the music gaming genre forever. Guitar Hero. Unique for the guitar-like controller that simulated the 'experience' of playing a guitar. Five corresponding buttons to match on the screen, strum bar to hit the notes on time and a whammy bar to funk out those long notes. The game featured song's by Jimi Hendrix, Black Sabbath, Cream, Deep Purple. A good blend of rock staples and indy tracks, the game was a commercial and critical success.
Guitar Hero 2 was relased in 06 for the PS2 and early 07 for the Xbox 360 and it was here when my first experience to the game was held. I always had wanted to try it. I find myself frequently air-guitaring when I'm in isolation, or whenever the mood hits me really. I was excited to try this game that now most people had been telling me about.
"Have you tried Guitar Hero yet?"
"No..."
"Oh man it's so awesome...." and they would go on to tell me about how they rock out on this video game. Not an indecent proposal, I'd say thats about all I could ask for from a video game experience.
I selected a track i recognized, Carry On My Wayward Son. The song began and the buttons came down the screen. I immediately paniced as I had no preference as to where my fingers should be and I failed. Feeling embarassed I angrily passed the controller on, agravated. I was not willing to try the game again and didn't for weeks. What was I expecting, I honestly can't say, but I was drawn back to the game. Multi-player modes that were impossible to fail was my gateway into the game, slowly I got the game down.
Over time, medium difficulty was effortless and I found myself to be somewhat god-like. This was when my friends urged me to step it up, try the hard difficulty like they were. Again, the learning curve kicked in and what started ugly eventually bloomed to where I am now, I wouldn't hesitate to call myself a veteran 'hero'. I've logged more than enough hours on that game.
Then something was announced that made me explode of joy. Rock Band: Guitar, Vocals and Drums. Playing awesome songs, rocking out on world tour, creating your own band and rockers. They seemed to have it all figured out.
This was purchaced by my friend immediately and created our band. BUDDY CHRIST(Drummer) and CAPS LOCK(Guitarist/me) had created the ultimate rock band: The True Heroes. We began to rock, hard and it was no time before we disabled the drum kit to the game. We couldn't have been rocking for more than a week before you couldn't hit the blue drum without disconnecting the drums from the console, lovely.
So now we were reduced to two-guitar rock, (as it would be some time before alcohol was introduced to the whole package and I remembered that I didn't mind singing with a little liquid courage) and The Stylish Moustache was born (the game randomly generates band names for you, which you can chose to use or create your own. In this instance we went with the games judgement.) The Menace and Hollywood joined forces to make a guitar force of rock. The Stylish Moustach rocked it's way all the way to a jumbo jet! More time invested into Rock Band than I think we put into Guitar Hero (but I'm sure the scale's pretty balanced overall...) I'm completely, 100% sold on this Guitar Hero and am in fact one of it's biggest supporters.
I find myself in the midst of listening to any song my Megadeth and find my arms doing the guitar without me even realizing. Practically reflex to unleash the air-guitar and here's a game that gives me that same feeling, maybe more so. People come up to me and say
"Bryce, I don't understand this fascination with Guitar Hero".
I ask them, "You ever find yourself randomly air guitaring to music?"
"No"
Well there you go. Guitar Hero and Rock Band give musically retarded people like me the ability to feel like a rock god. There's nothing quite like stepping up to the plate and rocking the hell out of a song. Rock Band has it's flaws, it's ruined my favorite Weezer and Nirvana songs pretty much forever but I'll forgive it. The additional content to the game is modestly priced (Between 100-160 xbox points per song) and there's a lot to choose from, with full albums from Judas Preist, The Cars and The Greatful Dead as well as a large selection of packs that give you choice from a range of bands in all the genre's of rock there's pretty much something for everyone.
Nay sayers can continue to complain, talk about the price of the games or whatever specific thing they chose to dislike 'why do I have to use some fake guitar, why cant I use the controller?' or 'why don't you just go out and play a real instrument'. They're not going to slow down something that will probably just grow to get more and more gamers as they continue to saturate the market.
'why don't you just go out and play a real instrument?'. That's probably the only valid argument to the game there is. I know I don't have the patience to learn guitar.
Until next time, let your inner guitar hero or rock god out and kick some ass!
Peace
There's something that I don't get: People who don't get video games like Guitar Hero or Rock Band.
I can understand easily enough. I myself used to come to a lack of understanding as to why games like Dance Dance Revolution have legions of players. It was a simplistic game that I couldn't grasp for the life of me. You listened to the song and arrows would come down the screen. All you had to do was step on the pad corresponding with the arrow on the screen at the right time and bam, all of a sudden you're dancing?
I've seen dancing. Good, and bad, and DDR doesn't even come close. To each their own I suppose. I also never quite saw the luster in first-person shooter's either.
If you've by some chance been living under a rock for the past five years, a game came onto the scene for the PlayStation 2 in 2005 that would change the foray of the music gaming genre forever. Guitar Hero. Unique for the guitar-like controller that simulated the 'experience' of playing a guitar. Five corresponding buttons to match on the screen, strum bar to hit the notes on time and a whammy bar to funk out those long notes. The game featured song's by Jimi Hendrix, Black Sabbath, Cream, Deep Purple. A good blend of rock staples and indy tracks, the game was a commercial and critical success.
Guitar Hero 2 was relased in 06 for the PS2 and early 07 for the Xbox 360 and it was here when my first experience to the game was held. I always had wanted to try it. I find myself frequently air-guitaring when I'm in isolation, or whenever the mood hits me really. I was excited to try this game that now most people had been telling me about.
"Have you tried Guitar Hero yet?"
"No..."
"Oh man it's so awesome...." and they would go on to tell me about how they rock out on this video game. Not an indecent proposal, I'd say thats about all I could ask for from a video game experience.
I selected a track i recognized, Carry On My Wayward Son. The song began and the buttons came down the screen. I immediately paniced as I had no preference as to where my fingers should be and I failed. Feeling embarassed I angrily passed the controller on, agravated. I was not willing to try the game again and didn't for weeks. What was I expecting, I honestly can't say, but I was drawn back to the game. Multi-player modes that were impossible to fail was my gateway into the game, slowly I got the game down.
Over time, medium difficulty was effortless and I found myself to be somewhat god-like. This was when my friends urged me to step it up, try the hard difficulty like they were. Again, the learning curve kicked in and what started ugly eventually bloomed to where I am now, I wouldn't hesitate to call myself a veteran 'hero'. I've logged more than enough hours on that game.
Then something was announced that made me explode of joy. Rock Band: Guitar, Vocals and Drums. Playing awesome songs, rocking out on world tour, creating your own band and rockers. They seemed to have it all figured out.
This was purchaced by my friend immediately and created our band. BUDDY CHRIST(Drummer) and CAPS LOCK(Guitarist/me) had created the ultimate rock band: The True Heroes. We began to rock, hard and it was no time before we disabled the drum kit to the game. We couldn't have been rocking for more than a week before you couldn't hit the blue drum without disconnecting the drums from the console, lovely.
So now we were reduced to two-guitar rock, (as it would be some time before alcohol was introduced to the whole package and I remembered that I didn't mind singing with a little liquid courage) and The Stylish Moustache was born (the game randomly generates band names for you, which you can chose to use or create your own. In this instance we went with the games judgement.) The Menace and Hollywood joined forces to make a guitar force of rock. The Stylish Moustach rocked it's way all the way to a jumbo jet! More time invested into Rock Band than I think we put into Guitar Hero (but I'm sure the scale's pretty balanced overall...) I'm completely, 100% sold on this Guitar Hero and am in fact one of it's biggest supporters.
I find myself in the midst of listening to any song my Megadeth and find my arms doing the guitar without me even realizing. Practically reflex to unleash the air-guitar and here's a game that gives me that same feeling, maybe more so. People come up to me and say
"Bryce, I don't understand this fascination with Guitar Hero".
I ask them, "You ever find yourself randomly air guitaring to music?"
"No"
Well there you go. Guitar Hero and Rock Band give musically retarded people like me the ability to feel like a rock god. There's nothing quite like stepping up to the plate and rocking the hell out of a song. Rock Band has it's flaws, it's ruined my favorite Weezer and Nirvana songs pretty much forever but I'll forgive it. The additional content to the game is modestly priced (Between 100-160 xbox points per song) and there's a lot to choose from, with full albums from Judas Preist, The Cars and The Greatful Dead as well as a large selection of packs that give you choice from a range of bands in all the genre's of rock there's pretty much something for everyone.
Nay sayers can continue to complain, talk about the price of the games or whatever specific thing they chose to dislike 'why do I have to use some fake guitar, why cant I use the controller?' or 'why don't you just go out and play a real instrument'. They're not going to slow down something that will probably just grow to get more and more gamers as they continue to saturate the market.
'why don't you just go out and play a real instrument?'. That's probably the only valid argument to the game there is. I know I don't have the patience to learn guitar.
Until next time, let your inner guitar hero or rock god out and kick some ass!
Peace
Monday, June 23, 2008
He wasn't just funny. He was fucking funny!
George Carlin was a man who loved to curse. The vulgarity of it intrigued him you could hear it in his voice whenever he said fuck, or shit, or anything that would fearlessly come from his lips with conviction, confidence. He was truly a fearless comedian, one of the greatest who will have ever lived. He was even fearless regardless of any topic, nothing was out of touch of George's idealistic vision of reality. I think it was his ability to analyze people, and fearlessly assess the situation with hilarity will be the reason he will be remembered for a long time.
Few comedian's have the presence that Carlin had when he was on the stage. His voice was enchanting and he looked like the crotchety old man, working that to his advantage. Age didn't stint his comedy if anything it became more verbose in it's topic matter, more in your face with language. He never hesitated to speak his mind and it was always funny. Speaking not only the truth but speaking it with such relentlessness that you laughed not just because it was outrageous. It was funny, truly funny but because it was the stone cold truth. He's as perceptive as anybody and he used that to his advantage.
His Comedy was definitely the epicenter of his fame. In the 60's Carlin was most notable on The Ed Sullivan show. Releasing his first comedy album, Take-ff's and Put-On's. During this period his popularity emerged as he was a frequent guest on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. In the 70's George created the routine that would make him a sensation. The "Seven words you can never say on television" skit was on his third album, Class Clown and it was this where he would propell himself to the next level.
Making his own road, George sported long hair and a full robust beard, an appearance that was uncharacteristic with the clean cut commedians of the era. He was arrested in 1972 for performing the act and violated obscenity laws. Controversy from this would only propel his fame. In 1976 George unexpectedly stopped doing stand-up shows, and for a period of the next five years he rarely did shows despite that he was doing HBO Specials it was around this period he suffered the first of three non-fatal heart attacks during his life.
In the 80's Carlin re-established himself with a plethora of HBO Specials, also garnering some fame. In 1989, he would play the aforementioned roll of Rufus, the mentor of Bill and Ted during their excellent adventure through time. Throughout the 90's he appeared sporadically througout popular culture as the narritive voice for the American version of Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends. As well as appearing in Prince of Tides in 1991. In 1995 he got his own television show on Fox titled simply, The George Carlin Show, it ran for 27 episodes. 1999 would mark his appearance in Dogma as Cardinal Ignatius Glick, the brains behind his new "Catholoscism Wow!" campaign.
In 2001 George was given a Lifetime Acheivment award at the 15th Annual American Comedy Awards. George performed in Las Vegas for many years before he was fired from headlining at the MGM Grand Hotel after an altercation with his audience in the wake of cracking wise about beheadings and suicide bombings. He furthered on to attack Las Vegas in general, he was immediately fired and entered Rehab for drugs and alcohol. In 2006 he would voice Fillmore in Cars. His last HBO Special, titled "It's Bad For You" aired March 1st 2008.
He was one of my favorite commedians and he will be surely missed. I will be surprised if we see any comedian of his calibre ever again.
RIP George Carlin May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008
Few comedian's have the presence that Carlin had when he was on the stage. His voice was enchanting and he looked like the crotchety old man, working that to his advantage. Age didn't stint his comedy if anything it became more verbose in it's topic matter, more in your face with language. He never hesitated to speak his mind and it was always funny. Speaking not only the truth but speaking it with such relentlessness that you laughed not just because it was outrageous. It was funny, truly funny but because it was the stone cold truth. He's as perceptive as anybody and he used that to his advantage.
His Comedy was definitely the epicenter of his fame. In the 60's Carlin was most notable on The Ed Sullivan show. Releasing his first comedy album, Take-ff's and Put-On's. During this period his popularity emerged as he was a frequent guest on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. In the 70's George created the routine that would make him a sensation. The "Seven words you can never say on television" skit was on his third album, Class Clown and it was this where he would propell himself to the next level.
Making his own road, George sported long hair and a full robust beard, an appearance that was uncharacteristic with the clean cut commedians of the era. He was arrested in 1972 for performing the act and violated obscenity laws. Controversy from this would only propel his fame. In 1976 George unexpectedly stopped doing stand-up shows, and for a period of the next five years he rarely did shows despite that he was doing HBO Specials it was around this period he suffered the first of three non-fatal heart attacks during his life.
In the 80's Carlin re-established himself with a plethora of HBO Specials, also garnering some fame. In 1989, he would play the aforementioned roll of Rufus, the mentor of Bill and Ted during their excellent adventure through time. Throughout the 90's he appeared sporadically througout popular culture as the narritive voice for the American version of Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends. As well as appearing in Prince of Tides in 1991. In 1995 he got his own television show on Fox titled simply, The George Carlin Show, it ran for 27 episodes. 1999 would mark his appearance in Dogma as Cardinal Ignatius Glick, the brains behind his new "Catholoscism Wow!" campaign.
In 2001 George was given a Lifetime Acheivment award at the 15th Annual American Comedy Awards. George performed in Las Vegas for many years before he was fired from headlining at the MGM Grand Hotel after an altercation with his audience in the wake of cracking wise about beheadings and suicide bombings. He furthered on to attack Las Vegas in general, he was immediately fired and entered Rehab for drugs and alcohol. In 2006 he would voice Fillmore in Cars. His last HBO Special, titled "It's Bad For You" aired March 1st 2008.
He was one of my favorite commedians and he will be surely missed. I will be surprised if we see any comedian of his calibre ever again.
RIP George Carlin May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
May The Gaiden Be With You
I don't think I'm inside my own mind today...
Ninja's may bear different sentimental value to us all, be-it as a deadly assassin, as a silent hunter, as The Batman or a master of deception and trickery, its unanimous that they are one thing: Bad ass. The Ninja is a unique character most of the time shrouded in curious enigma. We often know very little of the ninja, his history or his motives. Be he an evil or good ninja, they're fierce and uncompromising, if anything a true professional.
My personal sentimental value toward Ninja's wasn't very strong until Ninja Gaiden was released for the Xbox back in 2004.
Here's a game that easily stood strong as an example of the Xbox's visual capabilities well after it's release. It was a game that I had not played very much, upon it's release a few of my friends grew captivated by its majesty and I would be lying to say that I too wasn't sucked in as well. The game's atmosphere sucked you in. You were Ryu Hayabusa, a deadly ninja in charge of getting the Dark Dragon Blade from the demonic fiend Doku who has taken it from your village. Gamers may recognise Hayabusa from Team Ninja's Dead or Alive series.
Your ability was robust, you could drop a group of ninja's in a moment if you were skilled enough. If you were tardy, you would die. The game harbored minimal room for failiure and it's difficulty intrigued me. The boss of the game's first chapter plagued me. It must have taken me hour's of trying again and again to defeat him. Now he's nothing but that's not the point, the game rewards effort, you feel powerful as soon as you advance it's like you've unlocked something in yourself. The game was addicting.
Before long, my friend had to return Ninja Gaiden and I was left with this longing inside myself. I've played many 3rd person action/adventure games. Anyone could argue their similarities but few could argue their enjoyment factor and I thought Ninja Gaiden had succeeded where games like Devil May Cry or Soul Reaver had lost me. God of War wasn't exactly my cup of tea either, The Gaiden was where it was at. With the sword (or a slew of other interesting weaponry) in hand you felt like you were more than just a man, and as you would slay demonic creatures and virtual demi-gods you wonder how you got so far.
Few games would last long in a gamer's console for the trial-and-error relapse that Ninja Gaiden puts one through, what makes it different? Is it simply the presentation or is their really no substitute for good gameplay? I was confident that they couldn't improve upon the combat system in Ninja Gaiden 2 and when I read in different magazines that they were focused on improving the experience, knowing full well the combat played a large part of that. I was curious to see what Ninja Gaiden 2 was going to cook up.
Needless to say I got what I expected. The game is a bit more linear as you don't have minimal open-area zone's to roam so much as you are guided through a path. This game brings me back to the old school Shinobi games on Genesis. You run down a corridore and a new mob of Ninja is there waiting to take you down at any means neccesery, even so much as to throwing themselves on you to blow themselves up to hurt you. They mean business. Thanks to the first Gaiden's riggorous training process I felt more than adequately prepared for the challenge that Gaiden 2 posed for me. With ease I cut through the different mobs of ninja.
The game's upped action makes dismemberment much easier. It's not an uncommon occurrence to casually cut off a limb as you're weaving through you're foes. Once you've wounded a foe you can do devistating attacks that will instantly kill a wounded foe. In the new game your power is up but thanfully they've upped the anti.
Enemies are relentlessly hellbent on destroying you. I casually called out to my housemate as I was playing "Hey, watch this." He stumbles over. I'm running along a metal bridge, there's a gap in the bridge but there's a wall nearby that I can run along to get across. As I come towards this, two ninja begin to approach me from the other side. A leap and a dash attack, I land on the ground and the body of my fallen lands behind me, headless. His friend lands beside me and quickly meets a similar pace. He's quick to ask me "Whoa man, what just happened?" Unsure exactly of what just unfolded.
The game is that awesome.
Boss fights are insane, I'm stuck midway through the game and every boss seems to get more and more difficult. It's awesome but I'm only one man and apparently the japanese are far more adept ninja than canadians. Its something I've come to accept but it's not going to stop me from trying, the desire to get to the next stage and take on whatever the game wants to throw at me. It's that constant carnage, the devistation factor. You're so violently potent it's amazing and this is all at a fingertip.
This game has quite a bit more gore and blood than the first ninja gaiden, unruly parents might want to take note of that before they poop a brick because their child is playing this game. The fallen bodies of your foes also remain afterwards so if you're backtracking you'll find that many fell before you... It's kind of creepy in a way.
Overall though, I think any gamer with a 360 who is looking for an uncompromising action experience, this is a must own. Its pretty much exactly what we should have expected.
Until next time, keep your shuriken at the ready.
Peace!
Ninja's may bear different sentimental value to us all, be-it as a deadly assassin, as a silent hunter, as The Batman or a master of deception and trickery, its unanimous that they are one thing: Bad ass. The Ninja is a unique character most of the time shrouded in curious enigma. We often know very little of the ninja, his history or his motives. Be he an evil or good ninja, they're fierce and uncompromising, if anything a true professional.
My personal sentimental value toward Ninja's wasn't very strong until Ninja Gaiden was released for the Xbox back in 2004.
Here's a game that easily stood strong as an example of the Xbox's visual capabilities well after it's release. It was a game that I had not played very much, upon it's release a few of my friends grew captivated by its majesty and I would be lying to say that I too wasn't sucked in as well. The game's atmosphere sucked you in. You were Ryu Hayabusa, a deadly ninja in charge of getting the Dark Dragon Blade from the demonic fiend Doku who has taken it from your village. Gamers may recognise Hayabusa from Team Ninja's Dead or Alive series.
Your ability was robust, you could drop a group of ninja's in a moment if you were skilled enough. If you were tardy, you would die. The game harbored minimal room for failiure and it's difficulty intrigued me. The boss of the game's first chapter plagued me. It must have taken me hour's of trying again and again to defeat him. Now he's nothing but that's not the point, the game rewards effort, you feel powerful as soon as you advance it's like you've unlocked something in yourself. The game was addicting.
Before long, my friend had to return Ninja Gaiden and I was left with this longing inside myself. I've played many 3rd person action/adventure games. Anyone could argue their similarities but few could argue their enjoyment factor and I thought Ninja Gaiden had succeeded where games like Devil May Cry or Soul Reaver had lost me. God of War wasn't exactly my cup of tea either, The Gaiden was where it was at. With the sword (or a slew of other interesting weaponry) in hand you felt like you were more than just a man, and as you would slay demonic creatures and virtual demi-gods you wonder how you got so far.
Few games would last long in a gamer's console for the trial-and-error relapse that Ninja Gaiden puts one through, what makes it different? Is it simply the presentation or is their really no substitute for good gameplay? I was confident that they couldn't improve upon the combat system in Ninja Gaiden 2 and when I read in different magazines that they were focused on improving the experience, knowing full well the combat played a large part of that. I was curious to see what Ninja Gaiden 2 was going to cook up.
Needless to say I got what I expected. The game is a bit more linear as you don't have minimal open-area zone's to roam so much as you are guided through a path. This game brings me back to the old school Shinobi games on Genesis. You run down a corridore and a new mob of Ninja is there waiting to take you down at any means neccesery, even so much as to throwing themselves on you to blow themselves up to hurt you. They mean business. Thanks to the first Gaiden's riggorous training process I felt more than adequately prepared for the challenge that Gaiden 2 posed for me. With ease I cut through the different mobs of ninja.
The game's upped action makes dismemberment much easier. It's not an uncommon occurrence to casually cut off a limb as you're weaving through you're foes. Once you've wounded a foe you can do devistating attacks that will instantly kill a wounded foe. In the new game your power is up but thanfully they've upped the anti.
Enemies are relentlessly hellbent on destroying you. I casually called out to my housemate as I was playing "Hey, watch this." He stumbles over. I'm running along a metal bridge, there's a gap in the bridge but there's a wall nearby that I can run along to get across. As I come towards this, two ninja begin to approach me from the other side. A leap and a dash attack, I land on the ground and the body of my fallen lands behind me, headless. His friend lands beside me and quickly meets a similar pace. He's quick to ask me "Whoa man, what just happened?" Unsure exactly of what just unfolded.
The game is that awesome.
Boss fights are insane, I'm stuck midway through the game and every boss seems to get more and more difficult. It's awesome but I'm only one man and apparently the japanese are far more adept ninja than canadians. Its something I've come to accept but it's not going to stop me from trying, the desire to get to the next stage and take on whatever the game wants to throw at me. It's that constant carnage, the devistation factor. You're so violently potent it's amazing and this is all at a fingertip.
This game has quite a bit more gore and blood than the first ninja gaiden, unruly parents might want to take note of that before they poop a brick because their child is playing this game. The fallen bodies of your foes also remain afterwards so if you're backtracking you'll find that many fell before you... It's kind of creepy in a way.
Overall though, I think any gamer with a 360 who is looking for an uncompromising action experience, this is a must own. Its pretty much exactly what we should have expected.
Until next time, keep your shuriken at the ready.
Peace!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
The War on Smoking or: How Health Canada Flaunts Its Power Like A Throbbing Boner
I don't think I'm inside my own mind today...
There was a time where Smoking wasn't so taboo, if it's hard to believe. I'm not from this age, although my father might remember such a time. Smoking was anything except bad, the image that it produced was golden. People just looked bad ass smoking a cigarette and everyone knew it. Everywhere you looked, smoking was advertised, it was in movies, on the television. It was pretty much widely accepted everywhere.
Then, the cat was let out of the bag, cigarettes cause cancer? Fuck! Beyond the fact that the fucking things were always addicting (and even more so now) they cause cancer? Well... shit.
All of a sudden, the 90's hit and it's illegal (In Canada anyway) for Cigarettes to advertise in any way. Tobacco advertisements are taken off television, sporting events have suddenly found themselves out of a huge sponsor (Cigarettes used promoted on everything) and have to find relatable other products to pimp their shit. (Yeah, my points are awesome when I use the words 'pimp' and 'shit' in the same sentence)
That wasn't good enough for Health Canada though. Now people needed to be reminded even more than they already were that Cigarettes are in fact bad. They start sticking these ridiculous warning labels on the cigarette. A destroyed heart, nasty ass teeth from mouth cancer, the fact that cigarettes lead to erectile dysfunction, if you smoke your kids will want to too, lung tissue raped by lung cancer. Scathing images accompany breif blurbs that remind the smoker their habit is bad! But no, that wasn't good enough either.
So you gotta start banning smoking in public places. Okay, that's reasonable, not everyone smokes and as society began a huge 'health' trend in the wake of all of this, smokers inevitably got the shaft. There's no smoking in bars, no smoking in restaurants, no smoking anywhere that somebody else could be harmed by the nasty second hand smoke! Apparently the vast majority of people want to live as long as they can. This just got worse. It's now illegal to smoke in front of public entrances. You must be at least 10 feet away from a public entrance if you're going to light up in the province of British Columbia. In the Northwest Territories you aren't even allowed to smoke cigarettes on your own property, only inside. Damn, talk about cleaning house.
The Anti-Smoking shock waves continued to ripple, as of June first, it was illegal to have tobacco products displayed in any fashion. The driving thought is that, if the children can't see the cigarettes that they won't want to buy them. Smokers were stunned. I work in a convenience store and the number of smokers who just assumed we stopped selling them because they couldn't see them. I almost thought that Health Canada might have come up with a good idea at the expense of the stress levels of retailers everywhere.
My co-worker tells me that they (Health Canada) want to make the shelves we use to house the tobacco in the stores illegal. Their reasoning: Because knowing the smokes are sitting there tempts smokers into buying them...
Temps them? THEY CAN'T FUCKING SEE THE CIGARETTES ANYWAY!
In my breif experience, It's usually the things that we can't have that we want the most. Why the fuck are they having the retailers jump through these fucking hoops? If smoking is so bad that they've pretty much made smoking more intolerant that pornography than I think it might not be a bad idea to just stop selling cigarettes all together. In Canada we have quarantined liquor stores, you won't find any twelve packs sitting in the coolers of 7-eleven. Why don't they do the same for cigarettes, make provincially regulated tobacco stores. They're not going to stop selling them because they tax the shit out of them to make ass loads of cash off of the smokes to begin with.
I smoke, and I don't like it but the bastards are as addicting as they say. If they stopped selling them all together I wouldn't be heart broken, I'd get over it and so would the rest of the smokers, I hope. I wish we could reach a modicum of common sense, find some kind of middle ground. We have to hide the cigarettes and everything but we can leave the weed busters and cigarette cases out to display? Health Canada needs to get its shit in order, like maybe maintaining a health care system that's quickly hitting the proverbial shitter, I guess they've got bigger things to worry about. Between The Parliament and The RCMP I've got enough of a lack of faith in the powers that be without having to worry about the people who regulate what's acceptable as far as standards of living is concerned. I guess I could be like everyone else and stop giving a fuck?
In the mean time, light em' up while you still can
Peace!
There was a time where Smoking wasn't so taboo, if it's hard to believe. I'm not from this age, although my father might remember such a time. Smoking was anything except bad, the image that it produced was golden. People just looked bad ass smoking a cigarette and everyone knew it. Everywhere you looked, smoking was advertised, it was in movies, on the television. It was pretty much widely accepted everywhere.
Then, the cat was let out of the bag, cigarettes cause cancer? Fuck! Beyond the fact that the fucking things were always addicting (and even more so now) they cause cancer? Well... shit.
All of a sudden, the 90's hit and it's illegal (In Canada anyway) for Cigarettes to advertise in any way. Tobacco advertisements are taken off television, sporting events have suddenly found themselves out of a huge sponsor (Cigarettes used promoted on everything) and have to find relatable other products to pimp their shit. (Yeah, my points are awesome when I use the words 'pimp' and 'shit' in the same sentence)
That wasn't good enough for Health Canada though. Now people needed to be reminded even more than they already were that Cigarettes are in fact bad. They start sticking these ridiculous warning labels on the cigarette. A destroyed heart, nasty ass teeth from mouth cancer, the fact that cigarettes lead to erectile dysfunction, if you smoke your kids will want to too, lung tissue raped by lung cancer. Scathing images accompany breif blurbs that remind the smoker their habit is bad! But no, that wasn't good enough either.
So you gotta start banning smoking in public places. Okay, that's reasonable, not everyone smokes and as society began a huge 'health' trend in the wake of all of this, smokers inevitably got the shaft. There's no smoking in bars, no smoking in restaurants, no smoking anywhere that somebody else could be harmed by the nasty second hand smoke! Apparently the vast majority of people want to live as long as they can. This just got worse. It's now illegal to smoke in front of public entrances. You must be at least 10 feet away from a public entrance if you're going to light up in the province of British Columbia. In the Northwest Territories you aren't even allowed to smoke cigarettes on your own property, only inside. Damn, talk about cleaning house.
The Anti-Smoking shock waves continued to ripple, as of June first, it was illegal to have tobacco products displayed in any fashion. The driving thought is that, if the children can't see the cigarettes that they won't want to buy them. Smokers were stunned. I work in a convenience store and the number of smokers who just assumed we stopped selling them because they couldn't see them. I almost thought that Health Canada might have come up with a good idea at the expense of the stress levels of retailers everywhere.
My co-worker tells me that they (Health Canada) want to make the shelves we use to house the tobacco in the stores illegal. Their reasoning: Because knowing the smokes are sitting there tempts smokers into buying them...
Temps them? THEY CAN'T FUCKING SEE THE CIGARETTES ANYWAY!
In my breif experience, It's usually the things that we can't have that we want the most. Why the fuck are they having the retailers jump through these fucking hoops? If smoking is so bad that they've pretty much made smoking more intolerant that pornography than I think it might not be a bad idea to just stop selling cigarettes all together. In Canada we have quarantined liquor stores, you won't find any twelve packs sitting in the coolers of 7-eleven. Why don't they do the same for cigarettes, make provincially regulated tobacco stores. They're not going to stop selling them because they tax the shit out of them to make ass loads of cash off of the smokes to begin with.
I smoke, and I don't like it but the bastards are as addicting as they say. If they stopped selling them all together I wouldn't be heart broken, I'd get over it and so would the rest of the smokers, I hope. I wish we could reach a modicum of common sense, find some kind of middle ground. We have to hide the cigarettes and everything but we can leave the weed busters and cigarette cases out to display? Health Canada needs to get its shit in order, like maybe maintaining a health care system that's quickly hitting the proverbial shitter, I guess they've got bigger things to worry about. Between The Parliament and The RCMP I've got enough of a lack of faith in the powers that be without having to worry about the people who regulate what's acceptable as far as standards of living is concerned. I guess I could be like everyone else and stop giving a fuck?
In the mean time, light em' up while you still can
Peace!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Rambling On
I don't think I'm inside my own mind today...
That's not to suggest I'm crazy or anything It's really just a precursor to assuming whatever I have to say here is the truth, from the heart, and well, as irrelevant as it may seem to you it has striking resonance to me personally otherwise I wouldn't be taking the time to write about it.
I've written about all kinds of things; superheroes, aliens, secret government organizations and little white lies. Fiction is a wonderful tool, a great place to expunge imaginatively pursuits. I love to write and I love to write because it's one of the few times I feel truly free. Inside my little world of the page I can literally create anything I can think of, and I'm only restricted by my own imagination. A world of words holds a freedom unlike anywhere else and its this place that I feel most comfortable.
I think that it's important for everyone to have something that they can lose themselves in, and if they haven't found it I think everyone should be looking. Don't let yourselves become complacent with the cards life has dealt to you. We all need something absconding from the powerful grasp of CBS, NBC, ABC and Fox and we all need to find some thing to embrace like Tennis, Golf, fuck even reading. Because there definitely isn't a lot of imagination going on in the world today.
Anyone who grew up in the 80's feels it. Whenever they may be enjoying a program with their youngsters. Cartoons of today hardly have any imaginations, Cartoons that were on the air when I was a kid. Cartoons like Batman: The Animated Series, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Tick, and a whole slew of others. If you were to pick any cartoon from the crop of my childhood and compare it to whatever they're showing on television today I can guarantee that the result of the test would be that nostalgia wins, all the time. Maybe it's just personal resonance but things that we watched in our youth, regardless of quality, they always sit with me. I would take Darkwing Duck or The Loony Toons any day of the week.
Movies is the same thing, I was watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit the other day which easily has to be one of the most imaginative children's movies ever created. What child could hate a movie which has practically every staple of his own childhood in it when in contrast to something like Space Jam, The novelty of Bugs and Daffy sharing the screne with Michael Jordan and Bill Murray doesn't quite compare to Bob Hoskins flying from the sky as Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny taunt him with their own parachutes, before pulling a very loony trick on the falling Mr. Hoskins. I never watched Loony Toons: Back In Action but I am pretty confident it doesn't compare.
Everywhere media is present, we can see. As time has come and gone, the suits that control these mediums have broken it down into a science. They don't give a shit about imagination and story. They have broken down what should make a financially successful movie into a formula and its a formula that they test again and again every year, and more and more of us continue to see this downward trend and nobody stops to wonder why the U.S. Box Office numbers have been at an all time low, not that The Internet has had anything to do with that, people don't want to go and pay abysmal prices to go watch shitty movies. At least, we shouldn't! A lot of us do all the time! STOP IT!
I would just love to feel excited to go to the theater again. Know I wont have to worry about being assaulted by car commercials or advertisements. Knowing that I'm escaping to a world of carefully thought out and pondered imagination and not a movie that some studio has manufactured from ground one for commercial success. I would love to walk into a movie and be blown away by it, rather than knowing full well what I'm getting from a movie months before it comes out due to revealing movie trailers and constant media coverage. It's all big business but I ask, where's the mystique?
Just try to pour a little imagination into your life, read a book. Turn off the TV, sit down with your friends and talk about something that makes you think. Use your brains and we'll all be off for the better
Maybe a more direct message next time but until then,
Peace!
That's not to suggest I'm crazy or anything It's really just a precursor to assuming whatever I have to say here is the truth, from the heart, and well, as irrelevant as it may seem to you it has striking resonance to me personally otherwise I wouldn't be taking the time to write about it.
I've written about all kinds of things; superheroes, aliens, secret government organizations and little white lies. Fiction is a wonderful tool, a great place to expunge imaginatively pursuits. I love to write and I love to write because it's one of the few times I feel truly free. Inside my little world of the page I can literally create anything I can think of, and I'm only restricted by my own imagination. A world of words holds a freedom unlike anywhere else and its this place that I feel most comfortable.
I think that it's important for everyone to have something that they can lose themselves in, and if they haven't found it I think everyone should be looking. Don't let yourselves become complacent with the cards life has dealt to you. We all need something absconding from the powerful grasp of CBS, NBC, ABC and Fox and we all need to find some thing to embrace like Tennis, Golf, fuck even reading. Because there definitely isn't a lot of imagination going on in the world today.
Anyone who grew up in the 80's feels it. Whenever they may be enjoying a program with their youngsters. Cartoons of today hardly have any imaginations, Cartoons that were on the air when I was a kid. Cartoons like Batman: The Animated Series, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Tick, and a whole slew of others. If you were to pick any cartoon from the crop of my childhood and compare it to whatever they're showing on television today I can guarantee that the result of the test would be that nostalgia wins, all the time. Maybe it's just personal resonance but things that we watched in our youth, regardless of quality, they always sit with me. I would take Darkwing Duck or The Loony Toons any day of the week.
Movies is the same thing, I was watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit the other day which easily has to be one of the most imaginative children's movies ever created. What child could hate a movie which has practically every staple of his own childhood in it when in contrast to something like Space Jam, The novelty of Bugs and Daffy sharing the screne with Michael Jordan and Bill Murray doesn't quite compare to Bob Hoskins flying from the sky as Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny taunt him with their own parachutes, before pulling a very loony trick on the falling Mr. Hoskins. I never watched Loony Toons: Back In Action but I am pretty confident it doesn't compare.
Everywhere media is present, we can see. As time has come and gone, the suits that control these mediums have broken it down into a science. They don't give a shit about imagination and story. They have broken down what should make a financially successful movie into a formula and its a formula that they test again and again every year, and more and more of us continue to see this downward trend and nobody stops to wonder why the U.S. Box Office numbers have been at an all time low, not that The Internet has had anything to do with that, people don't want to go and pay abysmal prices to go watch shitty movies. At least, we shouldn't! A lot of us do all the time! STOP IT!
I would just love to feel excited to go to the theater again. Know I wont have to worry about being assaulted by car commercials or advertisements. Knowing that I'm escaping to a world of carefully thought out and pondered imagination and not a movie that some studio has manufactured from ground one for commercial success. I would love to walk into a movie and be blown away by it, rather than knowing full well what I'm getting from a movie months before it comes out due to revealing movie trailers and constant media coverage. It's all big business but I ask, where's the mystique?
Just try to pour a little imagination into your life, read a book. Turn off the TV, sit down with your friends and talk about something that makes you think. Use your brains and we'll all be off for the better
Maybe a more direct message next time but until then,
Peace!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Comedic Conundrum
I don't think I'm inside my own mind today...
In lieu of watching Will Ferrell's latest comedic affair Semi-Pro I can't help but find myself on a bit of a paradoxical train of thought. Comedy, as for many has always been my chosen genre of escapism. Be it the exaggeration, the unreality of it or perhaps just the sheer amount of teenage vulgarity that seems to be seeping into today's movies it's all win in my books. Semi-Pro was not his most stalwart film as far as comedic exploits but it really had all of the needs that I have for a Ferrell comedy hour.
- He was loud, check, he definitely stole the show with merciless scenes of vulgarity and unearned bravado.
- He looked funny, check, few actors in Hollywood excel when they look their worst. In Semi-Pro he played another character where redemption seemed improbable. The worst the 70's had to offer as far as style is concerned is Will Ferrell's gain, and ours too.
- He was surrounded by a supporting cast, ehh... This movie had no short sight of co-stars worth of laughs but despite their best efforts, Will Arnett and Andy Richter hardly stand up to Steve Carrell and Paul Rudd, and this movie floundered because of it. If not for a revealing poker game this movie very easily could've drown in the mud (and I'm sure it did in some of your eyes.)
My point is, and always has been, that if Will Ferrell wasn't making comedies that force us to shake our head with jovial embarrassment or make us laugh at blatant sexism and inequality jokes, perhaps we'd still have to sit through dreadful Rob Schneider and David Spade comedies... (oh god, they're still making movies too though. I actually saw a Rob Schnieder film I kinda wanted to watch today at the movie store. It's probably because he's not the star of it.)
In lieu of countless Ferrell critisism I offer to criticize (and praise) all of today's Comedic Stars in a little game I like to call... Lets Try To Shit On Comedic Actors!
Will Ferrell: Sure, he brought us some comedic gold in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy and Talledegah Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby but lets face it, those movies surrounded him with likable, funny characters that helped spread the comedic joy around. Will Ferrell proved to me during his stalwart stint on Saturday Night Live, and in movies like Zoolander and with small appearances in movies like Starsky and Hutch and Wedding Crashers that he has shameless comedic range that he has no problem utilizing for ultimate laughter. However, forgettable comedies like Kicking and Screaming, Blades of Glory and the aforementioned Semi-Pro, its as if Hollywood wants to literally allow Will Ferrell to scream himself into an early comedic hiatus. He's big, he's hairy, he screams, he throws tantrums and he likes to show off his hairy body, I get it... but he's funnier than that.
His characters are modestly similar, as with most comedic staples, Will Ferrell definitely enjoys playing a character who makes the most out of his situation with lavish parties, expensive wives and homes, flaunting his hairy body wherever he can, he usually plays characters whose motivations are so inane you stop and wonder for a moment if you could imagine anyone so ridiculous and chances are you may know a person or two who shares a bit in common with Ron Burgundy. When he's forced to hold his own fort he resorts to shouting, being larger and louder than anyone else on screen, even Robert Duvall couldn't manage to be an interesting co-star. There is only John C. Reilly that has managed to find a duality to Mr. Ferell's madness but Will is really only one or two 'shouters' away from being shunned all together. Thankfully he manages to pull a rabbit out of his hat once a year to remind us why he's king of the mountain, in my opinion.
My Medicine: Keep milking comedies with him and John C. Reilly that combination is a winner as we're due to see in this summers Step Brothers. Unless you're going to put a supporting cast of unique, peculiar characters to bring a calm to Ferrell's relentless verbal assaults its only a matter of time before we start hoping Adam Sandler gets good again! (Please god do not let it come to that!!!)
Ben Stiller: He's graced our screens enough to earn the utmost disdain from some of us, yet the 90's hasn't stopped Ben Stiller and he's still bringing us movies that entertain, at least they make me laugh. Movies like Zoolander, Starsky and Hutch and Mystery Men instantly come to mind as movies that have made me laugh until my sides are splitting in agony. He is probably the most fearless comedic actor in Hollywood as he will never hesitate to do whatever is necessary to try and get a laugh out of an audience. However, his neanderthals approach to comedy has earned him as much disdain as it has praise. Whenever I see the end scene of Starsky and Hutch, and he starts to repeat "Do it." over and over again, it's absurd, it's annoying, it probably makes you cringe but it makes me chuckle.
In the upcoming Tropic Thunder it's joked that Ben Stiller's character became famous for acting as a retarded man in a movie that earned him acclaim. Be damned if he isn't either making fun of us for buying into this time and again or if he's really so fearless as to identify with what has continued to bring him paychecks for the past decade. Dodgeball we saw him play the owner of a gym franchise that was hellbent on bringing down "Average Joe's" to absorb it into his franchise via, tearing the building down to build a parking complex for his gym. His 'retarded' characters are what always get the laughs from me but its a concept he's beaten into the ground, I'm betting on Tropic Thunder continuing this trend. I've always spurned Stiller for his friendly, chic comedies that he's made, in the There's Something About Marry, Duplex, Along Came Polly cattegory, and its another genre of comedy he happens to be a hit but probably where he earns the greatest disdain from me, particularly because it's a style that Adam Sandler has failed to emulate since Big Daddy.
My Medicine: I like the movies that Ben Stiller plays stupid characters that are so self-involved. Its the way he does it, that makes his characters hilariously un-likable that really draws me in. He's best when he's opposite Owen Wilson, Zoolander and Starsky & Hutch showed us that. They need to do another buddy comedy together, now! Get him in a movie with Paul Rudd and I bet there would be some magic, and some much deserved stardom for Mr. Rudd.
Vince Vaughn: The movie Swingers opened the door to a new comedic star, but it wasn't really until Old School came out that Vince Vaughn started opening eyes as a funny man. His unstoppable ability to generate babble makes him unstoppable. He is the sophisticated ranter, able to talk himself out of any situation. This is, of all the comedic star archetypes, easily the best to promote yet he still makes these forgettable movies, Fred Claus co-staring Paul Giamatti, what? The Break-Up... that was god awful! Vince! You're killing me here. Here you stand the tallest, brightest star in the comedic world. You could be teaming up with anyone, Luke Wilson, Ferrell, Stiller, hell, you could make a comedy with Rob Schneider and it would probably kick ass! You could literally stand on screen for 90 minutes talking about fuck all and I would probably laugh until my spleen ruptured.
Yet, nothing. You insist on staring with Reese Witherspoon and making Christmas movies? Is that where the paychecks are at? I just hope you're happy making this shit that I'm not going to watch, although my 9 bucks at the cinema or my 5 dollars at the Rental store are not going to sway your life one way or the other, I just wish you'd make something that looked awesome and that I looked forward to seeing.
My Medicine: Get on the Judd Apatow bandwagon, start making some real hilarious movies. This man is producing and making pretty much the best comedies that Hollywood has to offer today, and you being one of the funniest actors in Hollywood, well it only makes sense to me. You would be a worthy catalyst for his creative vigor. Make a movie with Seth Rogen and I think I would be in laughter heaven.
Jim Carrey: Once the king of the fucking castle, he has now completely absconded from the movies that made him famous, made him a name, made him anything to make pretty much whatever he can seem to tolerate in film. I grew up with Liar Liar, The Ace Ventura movies, The Cable Guy, The Mask. There is honestly a huge ballpen of awesome comedies in Carrey's vault but no, that is not what he is about anymore. He's made some cool movies. The Majestic was probably the beginning of this trend, movies like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Number 23 continue this trend of, okay but ultimately un-funny movies. I dig that he's got a serious side. Robin Williams has a serious side but we all love him! Why not Jim?
Because Jim, you're not as good an actor as Robin Williams, you're wacky, you're zany, you're off the charts and thats where you should've stayed. I could only imagine in my mind the kind of lunacy that would emerge if we saw Jim Carrey cutting loose on Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell or even Adam Sandler comedies, if it's an ego thing Jim, that's okay. You can have your own soap box, i'm sure you've got the kind of pull that if you walked up to Judd Apatow and said "Make me funny again" we would have something on our hands other than Bruce Almighty to treasure. I know you have it in you now stop dicking yourself around unless making movies that people will just wish were comedies is your bag, then power to you.
My Medicine: I think that a Robin Williams/Jim Carrey comedy would be relentless, the two of them off the hook for 100 minutes, god only knows what kind of comedic chaos would ensue. A real up-lifting father/son bonding comedy, I think we'd have a serious winner at our hands and even more so. We'd get to see two of the treasures of the 90's make a funny movie that wouldn't involve cross dressing or penis jokes, (but you can throw the penis jokes in there too!)
Adam Sandler: I dont know what to think about you Adam Sandler, you can be funny, once and a while but you're pretty much the Dane Cook of the comedic Hollywood scene. You're not funny but you've got a few jokes on your belt so you've decided you can hang with the big dogs. Let's not be too modest now, Happy Gilmore was a complete winner and the fight scene with Bob Barker will always go down as one of the funniest things ever. But really, how many different movies can Rob Schnieder say "you can do it!" while earnestly impersonating a minority and how many times can you beat the dead horse? Until it's well into decomposition as far as these two are concerned.
Who would've thought you'd be a diamond in the rough dramatically? Click was strong because Sandler's dramatic strengths pretty much outweigh any Comedic flaws he has, its the reason he's been making movies as long as he has. His best movies are Punch Drunk Love and Reign Over Me. Trying to find a middle ground between those movies sensibilities and the comedic staples that have created your fan base is completely impossible. Now, Judd Apatow has chosen you his avatar of comedic stardom, and that begins with You Don't Mess with the Zohan. A movie where he plays a Mossad agent who has faked his own death to re-emerge in The Big Apple as a hair stylist. This movie just seems a bit too Bruno to me, and I think Sacha Baron Cohen has the patent on this idea. His movie will be better than yours except now anyone who has had the misfortune of not watching The Ali G Show will be under the impression that his idea is like yours. Don't pretend it won't happen, I know it will and it will piss me off.
My Medicine: Both Jim Carrey and Robin Williams fearlessly dove into the drama genre which embraced them with open arms, it has done the same for you yet you stubbornly try to create a win-win situation for yourself where you can get the best of both worlds. I do believe that Zohan will be the funniest movie you've made for a while, but I don't believe it will be any good. I think Co-Starring with somebody who isn't Kevin James(not to discredit the King of Queens but...) you might have a winner on your hands. Don't be afraid to jump into the world of drama's. Your empathetic everyman sensibilities make you a good anchor for a sad story. It's why you were good in Punch Drunk Love and Reign Over Me. If you insist on making more comedy than you need to make movies that you aren't trying to be the vocal funny point because if anything been proven in the past 5 years its that movies that attack from all over the humor spectrum are the movies that get quoted relentlessly, and are generally well-recieved. Your one-trick movies have never accomplished that short of... "The price is wrong, bitch.", and we got tired of it around 50 First Dates.
Anyway, I guess I wasn't as relentless as I'd hoped but at the very least, there's my rant on Hollywood's comedy situation. I think that its in safe hands with the stars of today, as well as funny-men like Steve Carrell, Sacha Baron Cohen, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, and Will Arnett that will most likely be spear-heading the comedic scene in a matter of years ensures that we will be chuckling long into the 2010's and that makes me smile.
Until next time, go rent a comedy and take a load off.
Peace!
In lieu of watching Will Ferrell's latest comedic affair Semi-Pro I can't help but find myself on a bit of a paradoxical train of thought. Comedy, as for many has always been my chosen genre of escapism. Be it the exaggeration, the unreality of it or perhaps just the sheer amount of teenage vulgarity that seems to be seeping into today's movies it's all win in my books. Semi-Pro was not his most stalwart film as far as comedic exploits but it really had all of the needs that I have for a Ferrell comedy hour.
- He was loud, check, he definitely stole the show with merciless scenes of vulgarity and unearned bravado.
- He looked funny, check, few actors in Hollywood excel when they look their worst. In Semi-Pro he played another character where redemption seemed improbable. The worst the 70's had to offer as far as style is concerned is Will Ferrell's gain, and ours too.
- He was surrounded by a supporting cast, ehh... This movie had no short sight of co-stars worth of laughs but despite their best efforts, Will Arnett and Andy Richter hardly stand up to Steve Carrell and Paul Rudd, and this movie floundered because of it. If not for a revealing poker game this movie very easily could've drown in the mud (and I'm sure it did in some of your eyes.)
My point is, and always has been, that if Will Ferrell wasn't making comedies that force us to shake our head with jovial embarrassment or make us laugh at blatant sexism and inequality jokes, perhaps we'd still have to sit through dreadful Rob Schneider and David Spade comedies... (oh god, they're still making movies too though. I actually saw a Rob Schnieder film I kinda wanted to watch today at the movie store. It's probably because he's not the star of it.)
In lieu of countless Ferrell critisism I offer to criticize (and praise) all of today's Comedic Stars in a little game I like to call... Lets Try To Shit On Comedic Actors!
Will Ferrell: Sure, he brought us some comedic gold in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy and Talledegah Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby but lets face it, those movies surrounded him with likable, funny characters that helped spread the comedic joy around. Will Ferrell proved to me during his stalwart stint on Saturday Night Live, and in movies like Zoolander and with small appearances in movies like Starsky and Hutch and Wedding Crashers that he has shameless comedic range that he has no problem utilizing for ultimate laughter. However, forgettable comedies like Kicking and Screaming, Blades of Glory and the aforementioned Semi-Pro, its as if Hollywood wants to literally allow Will Ferrell to scream himself into an early comedic hiatus. He's big, he's hairy, he screams, he throws tantrums and he likes to show off his hairy body, I get it... but he's funnier than that.
His characters are modestly similar, as with most comedic staples, Will Ferrell definitely enjoys playing a character who makes the most out of his situation with lavish parties, expensive wives and homes, flaunting his hairy body wherever he can, he usually plays characters whose motivations are so inane you stop and wonder for a moment if you could imagine anyone so ridiculous and chances are you may know a person or two who shares a bit in common with Ron Burgundy. When he's forced to hold his own fort he resorts to shouting, being larger and louder than anyone else on screen, even Robert Duvall couldn't manage to be an interesting co-star. There is only John C. Reilly that has managed to find a duality to Mr. Ferell's madness but Will is really only one or two 'shouters' away from being shunned all together. Thankfully he manages to pull a rabbit out of his hat once a year to remind us why he's king of the mountain, in my opinion.
My Medicine: Keep milking comedies with him and John C. Reilly that combination is a winner as we're due to see in this summers Step Brothers. Unless you're going to put a supporting cast of unique, peculiar characters to bring a calm to Ferrell's relentless verbal assaults its only a matter of time before we start hoping Adam Sandler gets good again! (Please god do not let it come to that!!!)
Ben Stiller: He's graced our screens enough to earn the utmost disdain from some of us, yet the 90's hasn't stopped Ben Stiller and he's still bringing us movies that entertain, at least they make me laugh. Movies like Zoolander, Starsky and Hutch and Mystery Men instantly come to mind as movies that have made me laugh until my sides are splitting in agony. He is probably the most fearless comedic actor in Hollywood as he will never hesitate to do whatever is necessary to try and get a laugh out of an audience. However, his neanderthals approach to comedy has earned him as much disdain as it has praise. Whenever I see the end scene of Starsky and Hutch, and he starts to repeat "Do it." over and over again, it's absurd, it's annoying, it probably makes you cringe but it makes me chuckle.
In the upcoming Tropic Thunder it's joked that Ben Stiller's character became famous for acting as a retarded man in a movie that earned him acclaim. Be damned if he isn't either making fun of us for buying into this time and again or if he's really so fearless as to identify with what has continued to bring him paychecks for the past decade. Dodgeball we saw him play the owner of a gym franchise that was hellbent on bringing down "Average Joe's" to absorb it into his franchise via, tearing the building down to build a parking complex for his gym. His 'retarded' characters are what always get the laughs from me but its a concept he's beaten into the ground, I'm betting on Tropic Thunder continuing this trend. I've always spurned Stiller for his friendly, chic comedies that he's made, in the There's Something About Marry, Duplex, Along Came Polly cattegory, and its another genre of comedy he happens to be a hit but probably where he earns the greatest disdain from me, particularly because it's a style that Adam Sandler has failed to emulate since Big Daddy.
My Medicine: I like the movies that Ben Stiller plays stupid characters that are so self-involved. Its the way he does it, that makes his characters hilariously un-likable that really draws me in. He's best when he's opposite Owen Wilson, Zoolander and Starsky & Hutch showed us that. They need to do another buddy comedy together, now! Get him in a movie with Paul Rudd and I bet there would be some magic, and some much deserved stardom for Mr. Rudd.
Vince Vaughn: The movie Swingers opened the door to a new comedic star, but it wasn't really until Old School came out that Vince Vaughn started opening eyes as a funny man. His unstoppable ability to generate babble makes him unstoppable. He is the sophisticated ranter, able to talk himself out of any situation. This is, of all the comedic star archetypes, easily the best to promote yet he still makes these forgettable movies, Fred Claus co-staring Paul Giamatti, what? The Break-Up... that was god awful! Vince! You're killing me here. Here you stand the tallest, brightest star in the comedic world. You could be teaming up with anyone, Luke Wilson, Ferrell, Stiller, hell, you could make a comedy with Rob Schneider and it would probably kick ass! You could literally stand on screen for 90 minutes talking about fuck all and I would probably laugh until my spleen ruptured.
Yet, nothing. You insist on staring with Reese Witherspoon and making Christmas movies? Is that where the paychecks are at? I just hope you're happy making this shit that I'm not going to watch, although my 9 bucks at the cinema or my 5 dollars at the Rental store are not going to sway your life one way or the other, I just wish you'd make something that looked awesome and that I looked forward to seeing.
My Medicine: Get on the Judd Apatow bandwagon, start making some real hilarious movies. This man is producing and making pretty much the best comedies that Hollywood has to offer today, and you being one of the funniest actors in Hollywood, well it only makes sense to me. You would be a worthy catalyst for his creative vigor. Make a movie with Seth Rogen and I think I would be in laughter heaven.
Jim Carrey: Once the king of the fucking castle, he has now completely absconded from the movies that made him famous, made him a name, made him anything to make pretty much whatever he can seem to tolerate in film. I grew up with Liar Liar, The Ace Ventura movies, The Cable Guy, The Mask. There is honestly a huge ballpen of awesome comedies in Carrey's vault but no, that is not what he is about anymore. He's made some cool movies. The Majestic was probably the beginning of this trend, movies like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Number 23 continue this trend of, okay but ultimately un-funny movies. I dig that he's got a serious side. Robin Williams has a serious side but we all love him! Why not Jim?
Because Jim, you're not as good an actor as Robin Williams, you're wacky, you're zany, you're off the charts and thats where you should've stayed. I could only imagine in my mind the kind of lunacy that would emerge if we saw Jim Carrey cutting loose on Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell or even Adam Sandler comedies, if it's an ego thing Jim, that's okay. You can have your own soap box, i'm sure you've got the kind of pull that if you walked up to Judd Apatow and said "Make me funny again" we would have something on our hands other than Bruce Almighty to treasure. I know you have it in you now stop dicking yourself around unless making movies that people will just wish were comedies is your bag, then power to you.
My Medicine: I think that a Robin Williams/Jim Carrey comedy would be relentless, the two of them off the hook for 100 minutes, god only knows what kind of comedic chaos would ensue. A real up-lifting father/son bonding comedy, I think we'd have a serious winner at our hands and even more so. We'd get to see two of the treasures of the 90's make a funny movie that wouldn't involve cross dressing or penis jokes, (but you can throw the penis jokes in there too!)
Adam Sandler: I dont know what to think about you Adam Sandler, you can be funny, once and a while but you're pretty much the Dane Cook of the comedic Hollywood scene. You're not funny but you've got a few jokes on your belt so you've decided you can hang with the big dogs. Let's not be too modest now, Happy Gilmore was a complete winner and the fight scene with Bob Barker will always go down as one of the funniest things ever. But really, how many different movies can Rob Schnieder say "you can do it!" while earnestly impersonating a minority and how many times can you beat the dead horse? Until it's well into decomposition as far as these two are concerned.
Who would've thought you'd be a diamond in the rough dramatically? Click was strong because Sandler's dramatic strengths pretty much outweigh any Comedic flaws he has, its the reason he's been making movies as long as he has. His best movies are Punch Drunk Love and Reign Over Me. Trying to find a middle ground between those movies sensibilities and the comedic staples that have created your fan base is completely impossible. Now, Judd Apatow has chosen you his avatar of comedic stardom, and that begins with You Don't Mess with the Zohan. A movie where he plays a Mossad agent who has faked his own death to re-emerge in The Big Apple as a hair stylist. This movie just seems a bit too Bruno to me, and I think Sacha Baron Cohen has the patent on this idea. His movie will be better than yours except now anyone who has had the misfortune of not watching The Ali G Show will be under the impression that his idea is like yours. Don't pretend it won't happen, I know it will and it will piss me off.
My Medicine: Both Jim Carrey and Robin Williams fearlessly dove into the drama genre which embraced them with open arms, it has done the same for you yet you stubbornly try to create a win-win situation for yourself where you can get the best of both worlds. I do believe that Zohan will be the funniest movie you've made for a while, but I don't believe it will be any good. I think Co-Starring with somebody who isn't Kevin James(not to discredit the King of Queens but...) you might have a winner on your hands. Don't be afraid to jump into the world of drama's. Your empathetic everyman sensibilities make you a good anchor for a sad story. It's why you were good in Punch Drunk Love and Reign Over Me. If you insist on making more comedy than you need to make movies that you aren't trying to be the vocal funny point because if anything been proven in the past 5 years its that movies that attack from all over the humor spectrum are the movies that get quoted relentlessly, and are generally well-recieved. Your one-trick movies have never accomplished that short of... "The price is wrong, bitch.", and we got tired of it around 50 First Dates.
Anyway, I guess I wasn't as relentless as I'd hoped but at the very least, there's my rant on Hollywood's comedy situation. I think that its in safe hands with the stars of today, as well as funny-men like Steve Carrell, Sacha Baron Cohen, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, and Will Arnett that will most likely be spear-heading the comedic scene in a matter of years ensures that we will be chuckling long into the 2010's and that makes me smile.
Until next time, go rent a comedy and take a load off.
Peace!
Sunday, June 1, 2008
You'd think telling an old woman to 'eff off would be out of the question.
I don't think I'm inside my own mind today...
Now I can certainly hope I am not alone in thinking that accosting an old woman vulgarly in the middle of a wal-mart would be out of the question for pretty much everyone, right? Imagine a scenario with me for a moment. You're at your local wal-mart and you're picking up a few of the things that wal-mart has more conveniently for a cheaper price than everyone else and you're ready to check-out. The self-check stations are all closed, and the open check-out aisles are all flooded with customers. I'm sure this isn't an out of the ordinary experience for any of us.
As anyone would, I took the opportune moment to accept the Assistant Managers time as he opened a new till for me, and others in line. The first till next to the exit. The quickest way out of hell and it's open to me. I allow the old lady in front of me to go before me, even though she offered to let me in front of her because I was holding less things than she was. The assistant manager was polite, professional and courteous in doing what was effectively his job. Clearly they had inner-promoted well with this one. I was free, I thought, items bagged for me, receipt in hand, I was free to go.
As I step towards the exit, the aforementioned old woman stops my friend and checks his receipt, and then quickly looks through his bag, and proceeds to do the same to me and the first reaction I have in mind is to tell this bitch to fuck off. Why is that? Its her job, she's told to do it. I've gone through their check-out aisle, I've got their printed reciept in my hand, and now their employee is investigating through my purchase to ensure that I haven't stolen with no pretense at all? I'm sorry, but that's bullshit.
Now, had their self-check out station been open, I had taken my time to use it and hope to god it functions properly, bag my own things, take the reciept it prints me. I walk up to the door and their alarm goes off. As far as I'm concerned they have the right as a store to do what they can with what they have put in place to prevent shoplifting. How the fuck is stopping me, and going through my bag after she's seen my receipt. THERE IS NO FUCKING SELF CHECK-OUT OPEN... I really want to re-enforce that fact. How is that right?
Now, hate on wal-mart because you have grounds, hate on them because it's popular but I live in a small town where wally world has managed to weave its intricate web on the town and has pretty much become a staple as a place to find pretty much anything you need, for cheaper than anywhere else. It's tough to beat, when you know they have what you're looking for and you most likely won't find it elsewhere. I don't understand where they have the grounds to look through what I've just paid for, without any kind of alarm, especially, ESPECIALLY, after she's just looked at my goddamn reciept!
Fuck you wal-mart for invading my privacy, without any just grounds. I will not verbally defecate on some woman in wal-mart but I will have no problem doing it to a manager. If they have some legitimate grounds of actually doing it, great. But this shit will not stand, I go to wal-mart, maybe once or twice a month tops and I am certainly not going to jump through their fucking hoops for this bullshit. I shouldn't be brought to a state of rage by any old woman under any circumstance, much less at wal-mart, a store that supposedly prides itself on its customer service. Fuck you for pretty much making my experience even less engrossing. It doesn't help that you try to tempt me at every corner much less how you seem to cut your prices each week on practically every thing I want. I don't need to feel like I'm being invaded every time I decide I will give into my wanting and buy something because there's no better place to buy Video Games or CD's in town.
I can only ask that you maybe stand up a bit for what little privacy we seem to be entitled to. I'm not letting wal-mart invade my life when I already feel the suits who run this country do enough to be an all seeing eye as it is.
Please, fight for the right of privacy and until next time,
Peace!
Now I can certainly hope I am not alone in thinking that accosting an old woman vulgarly in the middle of a wal-mart would be out of the question for pretty much everyone, right? Imagine a scenario with me for a moment. You're at your local wal-mart and you're picking up a few of the things that wal-mart has more conveniently for a cheaper price than everyone else and you're ready to check-out. The self-check stations are all closed, and the open check-out aisles are all flooded with customers. I'm sure this isn't an out of the ordinary experience for any of us.
As anyone would, I took the opportune moment to accept the Assistant Managers time as he opened a new till for me, and others in line. The first till next to the exit. The quickest way out of hell and it's open to me. I allow the old lady in front of me to go before me, even though she offered to let me in front of her because I was holding less things than she was. The assistant manager was polite, professional and courteous in doing what was effectively his job. Clearly they had inner-promoted well with this one. I was free, I thought, items bagged for me, receipt in hand, I was free to go.
As I step towards the exit, the aforementioned old woman stops my friend and checks his receipt, and then quickly looks through his bag, and proceeds to do the same to me and the first reaction I have in mind is to tell this bitch to fuck off. Why is that? Its her job, she's told to do it. I've gone through their check-out aisle, I've got their printed reciept in my hand, and now their employee is investigating through my purchase to ensure that I haven't stolen with no pretense at all? I'm sorry, but that's bullshit.
Now, had their self-check out station been open, I had taken my time to use it and hope to god it functions properly, bag my own things, take the reciept it prints me. I walk up to the door and their alarm goes off. As far as I'm concerned they have the right as a store to do what they can with what they have put in place to prevent shoplifting. How the fuck is stopping me, and going through my bag after she's seen my receipt. THERE IS NO FUCKING SELF CHECK-OUT OPEN... I really want to re-enforce that fact. How is that right?
Now, hate on wal-mart because you have grounds, hate on them because it's popular but I live in a small town where wally world has managed to weave its intricate web on the town and has pretty much become a staple as a place to find pretty much anything you need, for cheaper than anywhere else. It's tough to beat, when you know they have what you're looking for and you most likely won't find it elsewhere. I don't understand where they have the grounds to look through what I've just paid for, without any kind of alarm, especially, ESPECIALLY, after she's just looked at my goddamn reciept!
Fuck you wal-mart for invading my privacy, without any just grounds. I will not verbally defecate on some woman in wal-mart but I will have no problem doing it to a manager. If they have some legitimate grounds of actually doing it, great. But this shit will not stand, I go to wal-mart, maybe once or twice a month tops and I am certainly not going to jump through their fucking hoops for this bullshit. I shouldn't be brought to a state of rage by any old woman under any circumstance, much less at wal-mart, a store that supposedly prides itself on its customer service. Fuck you for pretty much making my experience even less engrossing. It doesn't help that you try to tempt me at every corner much less how you seem to cut your prices each week on practically every thing I want. I don't need to feel like I'm being invaded every time I decide I will give into my wanting and buy something because there's no better place to buy Video Games or CD's in town.
I can only ask that you maybe stand up a bit for what little privacy we seem to be entitled to. I'm not letting wal-mart invade my life when I already feel the suits who run this country do enough to be an all seeing eye as it is.
Please, fight for the right of privacy and until next time,
Peace!
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