Once upon a time there was a boy… He was young, shy. He was angry and he was dissatisfied with things. Sixteen years young, dreams already crushed and an undetermined future. All that seemed true was one person.
That person was a girl who, at first, the boy didn’t go out of his way to know. Not because he wasn’t interested but because he was too shy to really think she could even find the time to like him. That girl ended up being spectacular. She shared common interests, she liked things that he liked, she liked to listen to his unfiltered stream-of-consciousness rants. She liked to be around him.
That person was a girl who, at first, the boy didn’t go out of his way to know. Not because he wasn’t interested but because he was too shy to really think she could even find the time to like him. That girl ended up being spectacular. She shared common interests, she liked things that he liked, she liked to listen to his unfiltered stream-of-consciousness rants. She liked to be around him.
The boy liked that…
The girl had boyfriends, this stopped the boy from persuing his interest in the girl. The first boyfriend she had was an angry metal-head who postured aggressively and was threatened by the boy’s presence because the boy was simply awesome. The girls second boyfriend was an old friend of the boy so he didn’t want to disrespect the boyfriend by making a move for his girl.
This girl never quelled her interest in the boy. They grew close together as friends. The girl remained a comforting ear for the boy who had a lot of anger, a lot of sadness, and a lot of other emotions that he couldn’t quite understand himself.
The boy wished the girl would dump her boyfriend, because she wasn’t happy with him. He dreamed of the day she would be available and he would be able to sweep in as the prince charming on his epic steed, ready to take the princess to his castle for a happily ever after.
If you haven’t figured it out… I am that boy.
I waited for the girl, for years. She eventually broke it off with her boyfriend and afterward had said she did not want a boyfriend. I respected the girls wishes while my own feelings for her continued to grow strong.
The girl went off to college, while I remained in the small town. I moved out of my mom’s house as we were evicted from our home. Moved in with a friend. I worked two jobs, smoked a lot of weed and blew my money on unimportant things. College, to me, was not worth while because I did not wish for debt due to student loans, and I did not feel that my true passion, Writing, held a profitable future. I want to go to college for a career, this is something I still struggle with but I digress.
The girl was coming home and I knew my time to let my feelings known was nearing. Every day that came closer my fear grew.
Throughout my childhood, growing up, my feelings for the girls I liked always seemed to leave me cold. Backfired, I thought, maybe I was undesirable, maybe I was too loud. I often talked of how teenage girls infuriated me. Of course, in the coliseum of teenaged debauchery that is High School, the teenage girls probably were put off by my rather negative attitude.
Anyway…
After an evening that involved much alcohol, and much weed. I decided to take my chances. I had to make my move because the fear that I would never had taken that leap of faith overshadowed the fear that she might not feel the same.
She felt the same way. The girl I had loved, for years, had liked, and maybe even loved me too at that point.
Of course, due to my intoxication I was confused the next day. Did I fuck up? Was she revolted by the disgusting level of cowardice that was involved with my approach to let forth with literally years worth of feelings forward to her?
No.
In fact, it worked out the exact opposite. She was overjoyed, and it wasn’t long before we began dating. In fact, it wasn’t long at all before we decided to move away together.
I’ve followed that girl across the province of British Columbia, and now I’ve moved with her across the nation of Canada.
My love for her was something I felt that was worth the wait, and it’s a love that I would fight to keep. Time is irrelevant.
Though times aren’t always perfect, the fact that I am spending them with her outweighs any of the lowest lows of my past. Even the worst moments, or those that could be perceived as “the worst” are still amazing compared to the past. I would never change a thing.
Natasha. I love you, I always will. Nothing will ever stop me from feeling the way I do about you.
I will do anything in my power to give you the things you want, the things that you deserve and the things that maybe you even don’t want.
I would give the world to you if it were a possibility. Because my love for you makes me feel like I am never doing enough.
Love is a fickle mistress, but if you have it. True love, in your grasp, you know it’s the kind of power that you would do anything for, and that it’s the kind of feeling that you never want to let go of.
I know I’m not perfect, far, far from it in fact, and I know that I can be a better man.
I just want you to know, and I guess the world to know, that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to see the smile on your face. It makes even the darkest skies turn blue. And if there’s anyone out there that feels the same way about a girl. They can steal this open letter for it’s not my story. We’ve all got stories of love that has been found and stories of love unrequited. It just so happens that my story is, at least to this point a victorious one.
The story of our love is just beginning. There are many chapters yet to be told. I hope that you will always feel the same way, and that we can one day close the story on this chaotic romance and know that it was all worth it.
You’re worth it, and you always will be. If I hadn’t taken that chance, and if I was still waiting, I would continue to wait, knowing that I would not sabotage my next chance to tell you that I love you, and that I always have, and I always will.
Another chapter ends, another begins, but our story continues. I’m glad that I’m sharing this story with you.
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