Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I made it!

I'm not inside my own mind today... and I have university to thank for that.

6 am every morning my body subconsciously stirs me from slumber. I look around, the sunight defies my internal clock and I have the inclination to shower and make breakfast. It's not until a thought that no, no, you're done Bryce... you can go back to bed. That thought sets in and then it's safe to resume sleep for another hour or two.  I am allowed to kill the urgency.

When you consider the semantics of the term, full-time study it doesn't set in at first. As a twenty-five year old re-entering the educational paradigm there was a certain feeling I couldn't quite escape. This force of reminder that I was somewhat out of place. First-year studies haven't changed in their focus too much  from when Universities were pushing me to attend them out of High School, transition is still a large focus of what they're trying to accomplish but to what end?

In the University of Manitoba, their "U1" program was what lured me to select that school over the University of Winnipeg. That and prestige, let's not beat around the bush about that. Anyway, the whole idea is that the university wants to make the first year of university as seamless as possible and as accessible and easy, etc, etc, etc. They do a very good job of achieving this but I feel it may be at the cost of the true impact of second year studies. Something I'll have to deal with next year to see if it is indeed true or not. My full-year classes that were each 6 credit hours had no mid-terms and no final, just annual exams throughout the two terms that served to equate to the two large tests. I liked this study but I feel that in subsequent years when classes are likely to have simply mid-terms and finals that I am not prepared for that... then again I didn't feel prepared to take the first year on and I handled that pretty well.

The biggest lesson I learned this year, which will help me in life and in my studies is this: You get what you put in to it. Any class, Art of Film, Philosophy, or Law and Power in Canada. I got what I put into the classes. When my papers lacked that extra hour or so of work my grades suffered. When I decided to skip that hour of study I thought about doing in the beginning of the day, my grades suffered. It was absolutely paramount, especially in the closing month, to make sure I was on top of my studies and when I wasn't I really paid the price. My GPA, with only one class yet to submit my final grade is 3.33, I got 2 B+'s and A+ and a C so I cannot complain about my grades, I passed my glasses so that's what counds in the end right? I expect I will get a high C to mid- B in Philosophy so that might take a bit of a hit but I'm happy with that. I didn't reach my goal of the Dean's Honours (3.55 GPA) but I think it is still respectable. First year, out of the educational system for over half of a decade. I am happy with this and if anyone asked me what to expect in their first year of university I would tell them this. Expect to work your ass off!

The pressures most certainly got to me with time. I want to believe that next year I can avoid the breakdown of epic proportions I experienced prior to finals. Emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted I pretty much lost control of myself and that carried through a few days of the weekend. I've never experienced such an overwhelming sensation of emotion. The stress is the thing that can be most easily managed by simply staying on top of the work that needed to be done. It's like I said, you decide "well I'll take this afternoon off" and you will pay for it. I did, it caught up to me because I got cocky and well when I saw the list of tasks stacking up beyond anything I had in front of me so far this year I kind of shut down and broke like a robot. It wasn't easy and thank god Natasha was there to keep me somewhat grounded. She said it best to me when I finally felt confident enough to tell her about my problems because I was worried that I might fail Psychology. When that became a reaslistic possibility, everything else was magnified. If I fail Psychology, what else might I fail? (Psychology was my C grade, by the way)

"What did I tell you before you began your studies this year?" She said to me.

"I don't remember..." I said honestly.

"I said, don't hate yourself if you don't get an A..."
The most important thing was something I had lost sight of. I have huge goals, I want to see this through to the end and who knows, maybe have a doctorate when it's all said and done. Isn't that why everyone goes to university? Overwhelmed by this quest of education, and my personal standard of quality that I've tried to maintain throughout the year. It was clear I was placing too much pressure on myself. I hope that's something I can keep sight of next year, and the years to come as the work loads are only going to get bigger. It's more important to stay on top of it and not only that, but to be able to accept a grade that may not be to my preference. I busted my ass on my Film paper to get an A-. That chuffed the shit out of me at first but now I like to think of it as my "George Michael Moment"

I don't get any ice cream for that :).

So as school transitions into the summer work period, I have to wait until June to declare as an 'arts major' and then at some point in the summer I will find out my registration time. Hoping my GPA helps me get a better selection period than my high school GPA did. I know that the studies I'm considering are very competitive. If I could go back, I would much rather have taken that night class 7-10 PM Tuesday nights and toughed that out instead of doing the online component Psychology class. It's so much material, that proper lectures would've really helped me. Then again, I know myself, and I know the temptation to say "fuck it..." and not go to the 7pm lecture, or to leave the lecture early, would have been too great.

Those kinds of sacrifices could be the difference between me staying on top of my shit or having an episode like Margot Kidder...

So yeah, that's the summary thoughts of first year. I can breath again, I don't need to worry about "Oh... I should be studying right now." during every single moment of my life.

At least... not until September.

3 comments:

Emily said...

Congrats!

Unknown said...

You did it, Bryce! Congrats :D

Honestly, the 7-10 classes are nothing. There's usually a break around 8pm or so, and then they do the next half and usually let it out early around 9:30 or even earlier.
I've taken many Tuesday night classes, and it's not bad or as long as you think. ;)

Lizzy said...

Well done Bryce:
You now know that no matter what you decide to do you can do it. Try going back to school after being out of the system for 20 years, much easier to do it younger! All the best for the future years... you will do well!

Love to you and Natasha
Auntie Liz