Warning: Strong language is used in this entry, tread lightly if you are sensitive.
I don't think I'm inside my own mind today... do people really have to be so fucking negative all the time? I mean, I realize I'm not exactly the authority on such matters because I can be as negative as anybody but the fact remains that I at the very least try to make a conscious effort NOT to be a black hole of negative energy. Jesus Christ! If I am the one calling for a decree of optimism (I have a neglected blog about it, maybe I should be writing this there... fuck that) then we really must be in the shit house.
A few years ago, I made a conscious decision to do two things:
1) Not complain so much. I fail at times but I strongly go out of my way NOT to complain about the short comings of my livelihood because EVERYONE experiences them. EVERYONE has things that they can complain about. At the time, I was working with somebody who was an extremely negative person. Every single day I would listen to him complain about himself, or something about his life that he wasn't happy about and every single day I would tell him ways to deal with it. I could have been rude, I wasn't. I like the guy and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. The constant negativity directly reflected upon me and really I am negative enough as it is without a catalyst to dive into more negativity. So I decided to cut that cord.
2) Try to be more optimistic. This is directly relative to the first decree but really it's about looking at the brighter side of things. At that point and time I was not happy with myself. I was working two jobs, and I had nothing to show for it. I felt like there was a point in my life I had 'missed the boat' and that I was destined to waste away in a future of dead-end jobs and self-loathing. I hated myself, and I hated everything. It was very hard to find joy out of the little things that I should have been. Really, it was then when I could see how the way I was thinking about things was affecting more important things like my relationships with my friends and my health. I've made the effort to be a more of an optimist, because when you can't even keep sight of the simple hope to better yourself and your life then what the fuck is the point of it all?
Yes, things may be going wrong but if that's all you chose to look at then of course you're going to feel like a pile of shit all the time. There are so many things we have to be thankful for and they are often neglected in place for things that we wished we had. Society places such a high priority on materials and possessions that its like if you don't have it you're not complete. That's complete bullshit. The fact of the matter is, you just need to be happy with YOURSELF. If you're not happy with yourself you need to make the changes necessary to become happy with yourself. Blaming it on whatever you chose to blame it on, be it work or relationships or anything than really you're setting yourself up for endless misery by choosing to only acknowledge the things you hate.
I cannot stand it when people just bitch and complain about every single little thing they don't like, while absolutely refusing to acknowledge the things that they have to be happy about. Why do you even fucking bother if you're not going to take the time to look within yourself, or around you to see that there are things to be happy about and be thankful for. Yes, doom and gloom is prevalent everywhere but we're in the middle of a fucking recession. There are people with full families who have no home because the 'breadwinner' got laid off of his job, or people who have children with conditions like down syndrome where every single day is a constant struggle to care for your offspring with such delicate needs. Anyway... I digress...
The end point in all of this is that YOU are responsible for YOUR own sadness depression, anger, resentment, or whatever it is that you chose to let plague you. When you CHOOSE to only look at things a certain way, you have nobody to blame but YOURSELF. There are no external scapegoats that will magically take away the feelings you might have. You need to look deep withing yourself, and accept the flaws that you fail to acknowledge before you can move on to grow as a person. If you're just going to choose to blame everything or everybody else for your problems then really, the only person you have to TRULY blame, is you.
